Grieving The Death of Those We've Never Met

By Amanda Polster, LMSW

Celebrity and Media Loss: Grieving the Death of Those We’ve Never Met

Have you ever experienced the loss of someone you did not know personally, but still felt a deep pain and sadness as a result of their death? 

In a world of amplified media coverage and social media interactions, it is normal to learn about stories of people and families that have experienced unthinkable losses and to join in the grieving process. This blog is healing for me, after learning about the devastating helicopter crash that killed 9 people, but had a much larger impact beyond these individuals and their families. We do not have to personally know Kobe Bryant, his daughter, or any others on that helicopter to attempt to imagine the intensified feelings they experienced and the immeasurable pain their families are experiencing now. 

Joining in the grief is a sign of heightened compassion and empathy. 

Within this week alone, people of every race, religion, and economic background joined in the pain and healing process from the tragic losses felt worldwide. When we join in the loss of those we have never met, we are demonstrating an ability to feel empathy for their experience, their loss, and compassion for their family grieving at this time. We are also demonstrating selflessness by stepping outside of our comfort zone to attempt to imagine these life changing experiences of others. 

Self Care Tips for Coping with the Loss of Others 

Honor all Feelings

When something tragic happens, regardless of whether it directly impacts us or not, it is normal to have a variety of feelings - sadness, anger, devastation, confusion, shock, etc. All of these feelings are valid, and worthy of acknowledgement as part of the natural grieving process. Any feeling that arises is likely to be shared by others struggling to cope. Grief is less about overcoming the feelings, and more about honoring the feelings that arise and giving permission to work through each and all of these feelings during these difficult times.

Setting Boundaries with the Media

In a world guided by media coverage, it is normal to feel overwhelmed by the amount of information shared through social media and the news. Taking a break or setting limits from the news and media coverage is a self care practice for the purpose of self healing. It is normal when setting limits to feel guilty or place judgment on not being able to “handle” the pain that may not even be directly impacting us. However, any tragic event we learn about can trigger past losses that we personally experienced, and may require us to unplug or take time away from media to practice healthy grieving,

Phone a Friend

In times of grieving losses, even of those we don’t personally know, it can be helpful to speak to people in our close circle to work through the pain. One of my favorite motos is “healing happens collectively” and by sharing our pain, we can not only be working through our own grief, but can also be helping others who are experiencing the same challenges to make sense of these devastating events. Relying on others to help us through these times can in turn be providing others relief as well. 

We do not have to know people personally to grieve their loss, and the more we honor their lives and the feelings that we experience as a result of their death, the more compassion, empathy, and connection we feel with others going through the same struggles. We are not alone, and we will get through this together.